We lived fair. Mom, Dad and 2 half brothers. I consider them my whole brothers since they were around my whole life. We didn’t have a lot of money but we weren’t dirt poor. Small town, very close with family. We always had a lot of get togethers.
When I was 13 my mom had an affair with her sister’s husband and left the family broken in pieces. She was disowned and my dad took me away from her, and out of spite would tell me she didn’t want me around and she didn’t love me. So I was very broken and confused.
We moved to Georgetown with my Dad as he hid his pains in working a 7am-9PM job. I was still very hurt, and I felt embarrassed my Mom didn’t want me and that embarrassment turned into the “ I don’t care” attitude of pure rage. Rage led to self destruction of cutting myself. My Dad would find me in my room with razors and scissors but he would simply shake his head take the blade and put it in the kitchen and never talk about it.
Cutting wasn’t cool in school and often would get made fun of so cutting turned into a face full of cocaine and ecstasy. I started using when I was 15… * mind you I had the natural athletic ability to do sports during all this crap.
I was raped at age 15. That was how I lost my virginity. I was raped, hit and thrown into a ditch for my friends to find me completely wasted and naked.
No one ever spoke about that again.
I started selling cocaine and using it every day and night.
My brothers came to visit me and I stood 15 pounds underweight, pale, and dark circles under my eyes and scars up my wrist. My brother blamed himself for leaving me with my Dad and he packed my stuff and literally within 48 hours we were on our way to California to live with him and my great uncle and aunt. Like I said i just didn’t care about anything.
I went to school for 10-12th grade in Imperial Valley and played all the sports, starting Varsity every year, winning a championship our first year.
Didn’t use drugs, drank a fair amount but nothing out of the norm.
Still very angry at my mom and dad.
I fell in love with athletics and a team and my coach. It was what I needed : to feel apart something where people wanted me.
I started training myself in my Aunt’s workout room, going to the gym teaching myself all the machines.
I went to college for a very short period of time… turned down a softball scholarship because, to be honest, I didn’t think i was good enough and scared to fail.
I moved in with my brother in Yuma and went to school for general eds. Met the wrong peeps, started smoking meth. But no, I did not become your grade A crack head. I used it to feel up and awake and workout on it. Worked in an MMA gym and taught kickboxing.
I would run for miles and just pour all I had into working out so I could feel something.
I decide to move back to Waco and quit smoking meth. I had smoked everyday for 6-7 months but I quit in a day. I always tell people it’s a mental thing. It always was with me. I stayed in control every time. I never made it happen because i NEEDED it. I wanted to. I made the decision every time to smoke : I made the choice to buy it and smoke it. if I didn’t have money I didn’t get it.
ALWAYS a choice (why i have that tattooed on my thumb)
I then moved to waco and moved in with my Mom because I didn’t have money to have a place of my own. I joined her husband’s church, the same husband who used to be my uncle because he was married to my Mom’s sister.
He was the scary kind of pastor.. prayed for people and “healing” them by running around speaking in tongues, believing in miracles etc….
So me needing to be apart of something became apart of that for a few months until I realized how insane it was.
I needed to get back into coaching and fitness so I moved to Austin with a friend and went back to school for physical therapy, which was a joke : I failed everything.
- Used drugs again.
- Moved back with mom
- Worked at the YMCA IN waco
- Educated myself on everything fitness
- Met the wrong people
- Started using molly and MDMA – and raving.
- Started selling molly at raves.
- Made a lot of money and paid for full a year lease in an apartment in Austin
- Made a lot of stupid decisions… I should be dead.
- Guns held to my face, passed out on too many drugs, mixing downers and uppers
FINALLY I got a job with CG ARENA and made that my way out of my lifestyle. I decided to never sell again.
I worked there for 3 years as hard as I could and started branding myself and proving I can be an amazing coach.
I started an Instagram no matter how much I got made fun of. I posted all the time and started getting into body building and I wanted everything. I wanted to blow up. so I started coaching online about nutrition and it just kept getting bigger and bigger and I’ve always been really good with money so I started budgeting and saving and making a decent amount.
I would work every single day. Online clients, at the gym classes and personal coaching in my garage.
I just kept building … I didn’t have many friends because all I did was work.
I finally saved $27,500 all on my own and then left CG to rent space to have my own program.
I got an FJ I’ve always wanted and found a business partner who also is my boyfriend who got a loan from his dad to match my amount and we put our heads together and we are now opening Iron Greenhouse with no banks involved.
I currently do not have any sort of support system from family : my Mom and Dad do not contact me and we don’t have a relationship.
“It’s been a crazy, insane wild ride and its going to all pay off April 1st. All I’ve ever wanted to do is be fucking great, to leave a story worth telling and make people’s lives better. By making a person’s life better, it makes them a better person, so they treat others better and in return there’s a long line of people I have some how had the chance to influence. It makes me want to break down and cry because it’s so humbling to know this is what I get to do everyday. Yes I worked very hard for it, but others do to and still don’t get the chance I am getting.” – TDL
Long before I knew this inner demon had a name, imposter syndrome has robbed me the joy of celebrating my wins and prevented me from pursuing the things dearest to my heart.
I guess the moral of my story is that I am fortunate, I am able, and I can make someone else’s life better. We all have that ability. This is why I love this movement.
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